It's mock draft season. And especially for those gunning to be in Justin Mason's TGFBI leagues, the more mocks the better. And so, to that end, our good friends over at Fantasy Sports Addicts Anonymous did a slow mock to kick off January mock season, and it only served to remind me about the types of slow drafters and their relative annoyingness.
1) The slow slow mocker.
We all know this guy, he takes the whole, let's say 2 hour clock, routinely, sometimes getting in under an hour and sometimes timing out. And why not? It's a slow mock isn't it? Take your time. The slow slow mocker is by far the smart slow mocker. He or she uses their time, does their research and consults every single ranking site and source you can find. Sure you checked Fangraph's steamer projections, you probably even downloaded them and coded simulations to calculate which pick is best here. But did you check baseball savant? Baseball Prospectus? Fantax (the official fantasy platform of Rotobvious)? Dynasty one stop (if they ever get their redraft data reset....)? Did you double check them....? Triple check them? That's right. Use your clock slow slow mocker. It's there. It's slow. And if the clock is paused for overnight? Use that time too. And the time while others are picking. You've got the time. Use it. Do your homework. Go get some coffee while you're at it. Pour another one out. Take your time. In today's fast pace world the slow slow mocker reminds us to slow down and always triple, at minimum, check.
2) The fast slow mocker.
This is, to borrow from Blake Snell, slapdick. What are you doing? You average pick under 5 minutes. Sometimes you even auto it from your queue so it's only your turn for a second. What is with that? This drafter will say they are being considerate, being prepared with a queue set.... But we know better. They are gonna end up with a bad team, drafted without sufficient preparation. "We did our homework during the other people's picks" they say. Sure, but did you double check? Triple check? "We had a meeting" "Had to pick up the kids" they say. Who are you people? Doing things other than fantasy? On the plus side, every fast guy is one person for slow guy to beat. Though it's also 2 fewer hours for slow guy to research cuz they only used 1 second. Who leaves 7,199 seconds like that? You tell 'em Blake.
3) The average slow mocker
This guy doesn't take all 2 hours. But he takes more than a second. Averaging in the 10-20 minute range. THAT'S LEAVING OVER 90 MINUTES OF RESEARCH OUT THERE. Both this guy and fast slow mocker may say "I had the number 2 pick. Set auto from queue to take Acuña or Trout." Why? What if number 1 pick takes Cole? Suddenly the pitching landscape shifts ever so slightly and you're just fine taking Acuña or Trout FROM A QUEUE. Absurd. This may be the worst drafter. Pick a lane.
And finally, a subset, the beeper.
The beeper is the person who posts in the Twitter dm "OTC, OD" because it's clear people don't get the Fantrax emails or pay attention. They, like fast slow drafter, will tell you "Trust me, it's more fun if you move fast," but slow slow drafter knows - then just do a live draft if you wanna run through it. Freaking beeper.
So remember, when filling your mock draft room. Make sure you have people who take their time. Make a list of the fast "responsible" drafters and keep them out.